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THE MINDLESS THREAD

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papa tiger

Member
I go into the Bar a farmer sitting at the bar looking depressed.
So, I walk up to him introduce myself and tells me he's a Farmer.
"Ya know some things you just can't explain."
I say, "Try me" The farmer looks at me and tells his story.
"I was out in the barn this morning and I was milking the cow.
All was going well, I filled up the bucket and go to grab another,
suddenly cow kicks the bucket with her right Hoof, so I tied the leg
off with some rope to a post" "Somethings you just can't explain."
"I grabbed another bucket and started off milking again, filled the bucket.
What does the cow do? Knocks over the bucket with her left hoof.
Somethings you just can't explain. I grab some more rope and tie the leg to the post."

"So, I go to milk the cow a third time, I fill the bucket and the cow knocks the bucket over with her tail!"
"There's no more rope left, so I take off my belt and tie the cow's tail to the rafters. As I complete this I stand up, my pants fall down, my wife walks into the barn.....
Somethings you just can't explain."
 
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papa tiger

Member
"The greatest invention is the thermos."
"Yup, a thermos, I mean, just think about it.
If you want something hot, you put hot stuff in it.
If you want cold, you put cold stuff in it."

"How does it know?"
 
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papa tiger

Member
A surgeon is relaxing on his sofa one evening just after arriving home from The Clinic.
He's tuning into the evening news and the phone rings. The doctor calmly answers it.
A familiar voice of a colleague on the other end of the line.
"We need a fourth for poker," says the friend.
"I'll be right over," whispers the Surgeon.
So, he jumps up and grabs his coat then, his wife asks, "Is it serious?"
"Oh yes, quite serious," says the doctor gravely.
"Three doctors are there already!"
 
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papa tiger

Member
Our friend meets up with a couple of Pirates, they share a couple brews and talk about stuff.

1st. pirate says, "I had to cut off my hand with my sword as the ropes to the mast were dragging under sea with ship sinking."

2nd pirate says, "I had to chop off my leg as my ship was sinking. I was caught up in the ropes holding the guns in place." "How did you lose your eye."

1st. pirate says, "A Bee Stung me and it was my first day with the hook."

Our buddy says, "Thats nothing, have you ever played games on Roblox?
 
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papa tiger

Member
Sherriff Dave and his Deputy Donald are out on Undercover patrol. He sends his Deputy' "go get more help."
Soon the Rif Raff spot him and capture his buttock. He knows he is a gonner there beside the old dirt road.
Then Deputy Donald returns to save Sheriff Dave. Out of his Squad pops two very hot hotties. Sherriff
Dave says, "Donald, you idiot I told you to go get the posse!"

{Davey go get the Posse}
 
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papa tiger

Member
Foreigners are killed when the train derails in the Mountains of Austria.
They find they are descending down a tunnel with a bright light ahead.
Soon they disembark into a beautiful Country with a Guy Dressed all in white.
He happily greets them and shakes their hands individually. He then says,
"Gentlemen, welcome to Hell!" "Feel free to look around as you wish." So,
these 10 guys walk around taking in the 75-degree AC of the beautiful place.
One day they find a real tall wall that stretches for miles in each direction.
Walking along they spot a rift in the wall and observe a vision of total hell.
People screaming, tearing at themselves, molten liquid flowing down past them.
The Gentleman in the White suit soon appears and says, "Those are our Christians! "
"They insist that their hell be that way!"
 
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papa tiger

Member
The Oldest profession is not what you might believe!

"Yes, we create Chaos," the computer AI scientist says.

The vote came back, Chaos is the oldest profession known to man!
 
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papa tiger

Member
Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole. The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony. The woman rushed down to the man and immediately began to apologize. "Please allow me to help. I'm a Physiotherapist and I know I can relieve your pain if you'd allow me. "Oh, no, I'll be all right I'll be fine in a few minutes," the man replied. He was in obvious agony, lying in the fetal position, still clasping his hands there at his groin. At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his pants and put her hands inside. She administered tender and artful massage for several long moments and asked, "How does that feel?" "Feels great," he replied, "but I still think my thumb's broken!"
 
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papa tiger

Member
Axx's announced today that it has developed a breast implant
that can store and play music.
The " iTit " will cost from $499 to $699,
depending on cup size,
speaker size, and storage capacity.
This is considered a major social breakthrough,
because women are always complaining about
men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.
 
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papa tiger

Member
A male teacher is teaching physics in an all girls school.
One day, he was teaching the topic of electricity.
"A net electrical charge means the resulting electrical charge
on an object.
It normally means that an object has a positive or negative charge.
Do you understand?"
There is a Pregnant pause &
his students stared at him blankly,
some shaking their heads cautiously.
The teacher sighed and tried again.
"Okay, lets say that the girls are all positive charges and
I, a gay guy, I am a negative charge.
If you girls were all gathered in the girls bath room and
I walked right in, what is the batteries polarity charge that we might have ?"
There was another pregnant pause
and Lil Jonny's sister stood up and offered, "
Sir, I don't know about us,
but you would have a
gay mans sexual assault charge."
 
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